#not me now stressing out bc idk what to tag | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cocoabeloved · 1 year ago

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the overwhelming need to keep up with EVERYTHING. i mean to watch every single tv show/film in existence, read every book, learn every language, hear every song, know everything, etc. it's all so fucking exhausting but i have a deep deep fear of missing out and being left behind (in terms of music, entertainment, pop culture, knowledge, etc.) ://

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bacchuschucklefuck · 8 months ago

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okay unironically I love so much that porter is like this world SUCKS its BAD here and it HURTS you why do you care abt it!!! and literally every single bad kid is like ngl we just hate ur ass it does not matter what ur philosophy is

#dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #not art #fhjy spoilers #its!!! gods I will Be My Ass in the tags rn. but thats so like. deliciously setting typical #like porter's desire is to transcend and his contempt for the world he's in feels. idk Real #like he plays the game bc he wants to win and be done with it. how do I word this #yknow. being a god would like. be his win state. when he gets that happening thats it his story is done he checks out #meanwhile the bad kids do actually just like playing the game lmao. like they love adventuring!#theyre so solidly Of This World. they carry the values that can only be born of it and they like having mastery over it #its a meta angle that I think is very fun specifically for d20 being in such a unique position in the zeitgeist when it first started #the rat grinders are from DnD Writ Large. porter wants to escape. but this is the bad kids' home its Their Actual Play Show #which makes it so fucking excellent to me that porter's question is somewhat of merit! its their show and it tries very hard to punish them #and they just straight up dont listen to him here lmao bc they hate him but! since the moment the academic track ended its been clear #that they save the world bc they Like Playing. With Each Others #thats what riz thinks the core of adventuring is! thats why fig stayed! and I also think thats why this hovers over elmville now and #a dead god is coming back in the school gym. porter is a shit evangelist but even if hes a good one I dont think it wouldve worked like he #wants it to. the only way he couldve escaped is if he'd not involved elmville at all. thats where the bad kids met dude #its a shitty place that fucks with them but they all come back here bc they wanna play with each others #and in that regard I think thats what the stress tokens ultimately means. Is This Game Still Fun To Play. ITS A RAGEQUIT LIMIT #Im literally running from one end to another of this conspiracy board Ive pulled out of nowhere #Ill draw after this I just wanna get this out. gods this episode has done nothing but furthering my delusion of grandeur actually #Im the hottest smartest manthing on earth Im king fucking midas over here. anyways uh! great ep!

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moeblob · 2 years ago

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I just really like him tbh!

#honkai star rail #trailblazer #hes a good boy your honor........ i love him....#VERY stressed right now in my life and i feel like i keep not doing fanart and that stresses me out more?#cause i feel like people would prefer to see fanart on this blog #DESPITE the MANY times that MANY people told me hey man its your blog post what you want #its not that easy for my brain that lives off of validation and appreciation and stuff idk man #i just ............ feel like........... a weird mental obligation to posting fanart #but then im super burnt on fe stuff so i have been dabbling in other fandoms #which i feel is also a disappointment and that makes me feel bad #theres literally no point to these tags im just stressed and getting that out there #gotta go lie on my floor next to my cat bc shes struggling healthwise which im not gonna lie #is the majority of my stress right now

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multifandomhoodies · 9 days ago

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anyone else hate long distance relationships and lack of consistent feelings on their part

#this is gonna be long in the tags sorry #and for the record. everything im going to say in here is on Me and not on my girlfriend and i know the solution is TALK TO HER #but can i have a minute to just. say it #okay. so im long distance with my girlfriend and we've been long distance (5hrs drive) the whole time #we've been together almost 9 months and in that time we've seen each other 4 times.#once in may once for halloween once for thanksgiving and today/yesterday for NYE #the longest trip of any of these was a tuesday night- sunday morning. so like. four full days of being together #but interspersed with family bc it was thanksgiving #okay. so just setting the stage #i love hanging out. i love hanging out on the couch or doing random shit like walkin around a town or grocery shopping with her #like i love being introduced to her friends and family as her partner and doing likewise to my people #like i love hanging out with her forever #but like. UGH my issue is like. any. kind of intimacy beyond literally like cuddling and holding hands?#like lack of consistency on my part. like okay sometimes kissing is fine and we're talking like a peck on the lips and then sometimes #im like. no i dont. want to do this. and obviously im not being Forced to if i asked her to not she would respect that!!#i like the Idea of kissing and sometimes i do enjoy a little peck but sometimes im like not. into it.#and then like. we've been together for a while we've Talked about sex and stuff but we have not had it yet. haven't gotten anywhere close #to it yet #like i like the idea of having sex with her but if i was faced with the reality of that right now i would freak out like just get. really #stressed? panic??? and there's no trauma in my past. i haven't ever had any kind of sex i have no trauma associated #with anything. like i would just. freak out a little. and we wouldn't have sex and that would be fine but. idk.#i dunno if i'm like. ace or something or it's just still too New of a relationship to do that? because despite being togehter for 9 months #when you've had literally less than two weeks of full days together in that time #it feels really fuckin new #i dunno man.#i'm just afraid that im just. idk not built for a relationship.#she was drunk and wanted to snuggle when we went to sleep last night and it stressed me out because i hate not being able to move when #im asleep. i told her this she gave me my room that was fine. but like man. i am never gonna want to snuggle like that #i still dont love kissing #like. for my house. okay i have very specific ideas of what i want my space to look like and feel like

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clowningcrows · 4 months ago

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it’s crazy how much having a safe place to be yourself and express your identity and personality and interests, both online and irl, can change your will to live. honestly.

#i came out to my fav professor/mentor today #it was kind of impulsive but idk #she’s just made me feel so safe and supported and cared ab #that honestly all i wanted to do was tell her #and hear what my new chosen name sounds like when she says it. idk.#anyway she was So incredibly receptive and understanding and supportive #like she said things i needed to hear that i didn’t even know i needed to hear #at one point she essentially reassured me that she doesn’t and won’t ever love me any less as a boy #and she immediately wanted to call me by my chosen name and use my preferred pronouns #and she kept telling me too that there’s no pressure or need to stress and that if i ever wanna adjust the name or pronouns i can #and that gender isn’t a fixed thing ofc #she told me that she’s proud of me too #god i’m so luckyyyy dude #i feel so loved and cared about #also i said in an email recently that i was looking for a part time job (like totally as a separate thing i mentioned bc of scheduling stuff #and totally unprompted today #she started talking to me about getting a paid position for me set up with some grant money ig??#which we were already tentatively planning on doing next semester #but bc she saw me say that she’s trying to get it set up now 🥺🥺#AGH i kinda love my life rn #but i’m so terrified to and im even more afraid to admit that #anyway so sorry this is an excessive amount of tags #silas speaks #vent #trans #transmasc #trans masc #transgender #queer #lgbtq+

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seventh-district · 2 days ago

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sighs and collapses and disintegrates into the wind

#Seven’s Public Diary #vent post #cw vent post #ah yes. another restless nights sleep in a cold room bc i was too upset and sick to eat enough yesterday and my nightmares won’t let up and #my heater isn’t enough to warm the room when it’s this fucking cold outside. but it’s fine bc i don’t think i deserve to be warmer anyway #i should get water but i’ve been stuck laying here for an hour wondering if im racist and feeling like i should just. leave. or smthn. idk #i need a caregiver so there’s someone here to stop me from doomscrolling tumblr and reddit discourse for two hours before bed. lol #but ig no matter how careful i try to be there’ll always be part of me thats. unconsciously? racist? bc im white so its just part of me #idk im not educated enough to talk about it so i guess the real lesson to learn here is to keep my fucking mouth shut. which i can do!#i don’t. know how to apologize correctly. bc no one wants to hear me piss and moan abt my white guilt. if that’s what it even is #im too stupid to understand what to do or say and the more i type the worse it sounds so im just. sorry. i apologize for anything i’ve said #or done. that wasn’t right or was insensitive or thoughtless or uneducated or. whatever else it is i rlly don’t know #i didn’t mean to use AAVE. i really didn’t know. so i’ll go edit the tag where i used it but. that’s only one example. how many more am i #unaware of? how often do i put my foot in my mouth and not know it? im sorry. i’ll try to do better #but there’s so much to be mindful of that i can’t keep track of it all and it’s overwhelming me so i think i should just. be quiet.#‘always a fanfic writer at the scene of the crime’ i. didn’t know there was a connection between racism and fanfic. now im worried #was that just an easy jab to make bc it’s cringe or is it actually problematic. why does it seem like theres smthn wrong w everything i do #anyways. i have to stop thinking abt it or im gonna anxiety vomit. i could go lay on the couch #it in the only warm room of the house but it’s covered in dog hair and i hate the smell from the stupid fucking propane heater #it gives me a headache and makes me paranoid. why did he install gas heat when he could’ve gone with a heat pump. all he did was make #everything harder on everybody. so now we have dangerous gas heat in the winter and shitty mold-filled window ac units in the summer #when he could’ve installed a heat pump/ac unit combo thingy and we would’ve been good to go. why is he like this.#YOURE A GODDAMN ELECTRICIAN. HAVE BEEN YOUR WHOLE LIFE. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. SO ACT LIKE IT.#im staying in bed. the rest of the house reeks of burnt plastic bc SOMEONE decided to take FOUR sedatives and drink a couple beers before #trying to use the stove to cook dinner :))) so now i have to figure out how to clean that up. i take back everything i said about winter #being my favorite season. this shit fucking sucks. there’s so much more to stress over and it’s all so much more expensive and exhausting #i never want another dog or cat ever again after these two pass. im not the person i once was and i cannot care for them like i used to.#i can’t even care for myself. couldn’t if i Wanted to right now bc everything is frozen solid. can’t shower. can’t do any laundry.#just get to sit here filthy cold and miserable in the one clean-ish sweater i have left for ? days until temps get back above freezing #anyways thats enough bitching abt my first world problems. time to shut up and be grateful for what i Do have bc it could be a Lot worse

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pup-pee · 3 months ago

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i decided 2 write about feelings while listening 2 bark like u want it by sir mix-a-lot

many things r blasting through my head tn

i feel rlly bad 4 all my friends who have 2 deal w/me disappearing all the time((not related 2 health reasons)) but literlly just bc i decided that i think they h8 me

4 no fucking reason

then when i try 2 explain myself i have 2 say how much of an asshole i was 2 them 4 doing so BUT THEN I JUST DONT GET CALLED THAT SO NOW IM CONFUSED

& now i just dont go abck bc i cant wrap my brain around it i dont get it i stopped talking 2 u 4 no reason other than my brain telling me u h8 me 4?? some reason???? & when i come back u just push me off & say it doesnt matter but i think it does I RLLY THINK IT DOES I DONT UNDERSTANDDD

its like im having a 1-man show in my head & im dancing in front of the mirror like wtf am i doing

on 1 side, i love 2 talk 2 ppl i love listening & contributing; BUT THEN ON THE OTHER, IM A SCARED LITTLE WUSS SO LIKE??? I DONTGET IT. I DONT GEETTT ITTTTTTT mayb this is y i was on regulating meds who KNowassosOSOWASsss im so tired

#uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#im literllly scared of discord #that app is my nightmare like idk y but its sooo hard 2 talk on it #i think its prolyl bc of all the experiences of certain things ive had on it that my brain automatically considers it uhhh ehhh?#its so strange idk #but liek the reasons y i consider ppl h8ing me i think r valid still like I BRIING THEM UP #@ least i used 2 but then it would kinda just b blown past then it would just happen again then i would leave then come back & it was just #it was not good 4 my health i think bc i kept stressing myself out 4 again no reason then doing dumb shit then coming back apologizig bc #thats all i can do then i leave based on NOTHING AGAIN LIKE #its ntohing i say its nothing but it means sm 2 me its moments that replay in my head over & over & sometimes i think id b happier by mysel #then i remmeber i love talking 2 ppl so thsts not an option bc i love ppl #UUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH this entire thing of me bing sad 4 liek the past month has happened bc my goddamn family h8s when i talk so now #im just abandoning every1 & i feel rlly bad but like i love them all theyre my friends & i dont think they h8 me but i rllyyyy think i do #its bad its soooo bad man ccccmOOOOONNNNNN I CAN TELL IM OVER THINKING IN MY PEA SIZED BRAIN CMONNNN #but yeah no im still convinced uhm yeah idk yeahhhhhh yeah i ;;;;#therapist? uh no thats what tumblr tags r 4 actually

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raceweek · 1 year ago

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Listening to the new patrick podcast as well and I love that patrick and alex have the same ability to write novels about every simple question theyre asked. Like theyre both so candid but explain everything so thoroughly while also having such soothing voices I could listen to them speak all day. And hearing patrick talk about their relationship… theyre athletic soulmates fr 🥹

patrick is so relatable for being asked one question and then going on a 7 minute long tangent about alex bc that’s the whole premise of this blog!!

#i </3 when patrick was talking about how alex thought he needed stressful envrinoments to perform bc that’s when his best results had come #and patrick was like. i think we need to unlearn that…you were achieving greatness in spite of that not bc of it #and now he just does everything in his power to snap him out of that headspace the second he sees it coming on #MWAH #tags are just me going #i could go into heavy detail #and i will!!#idk what happened to my spelling of envrioment in that first tag lmao #asks #anon

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moe-broey · 8 months ago

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Ohhhhhhh. Okay.

(thoughts/revelations about bride alt Sharena jumpscare)

#moe tag #moe lore #i'm like. doing some preemptive coping bc i am going to be stressed the fuck out over it all day if not LMFAOO #LIKE....... i know it's not that serious. but like. it almost kind of is. to me.#i just. i almost have like a trigger reaction to it. like the topic in general. it's crazy.#but also i think this captures something significant between moe/sharena and why peony is sharena's primary parallel #like when writing moe/its backstory it's interesting to try and find that line. where it is friends w her/they have a lot in common #but they are also undeniably fundamentally different.#to the point where like. in the past moe was just someone who was a friend but ultimately slipped through the cracks #they may have had even less in common as children. or what they had in common was superficial.#either way moe is fucked up beyond belief. and needs to be shaken by the shoulders sometimes.#no maintags bc. i do feel embarrassed getting SO worked up over this #but man. idk i just can't help it. but also. i gotta do something about it. at very least acknowledge like #this is making me feel a certain way and i have to figure out what to do w those feelings now.#take responsibility. ect ect.

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daz4i · 10 months ago

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a bit insane to know there's people out there who think i'm hot shit tbh. you know i'm a pathetic cringefail loser who literally can't do anything, right?? please raise your standards 😔💔

#had a meeting with my mentor/guide/man i really gotta figure out some english word for her today #and basically unprompted she brought up that like. she thinks i'm amazing for having goals and working to get them #which i was honestly baffled by bc. i don't do anything 👍#my past self sets shit up for me to regret later bc i hate doing stuff. that's it #never heard anyone describe me as ambitious but in her eyes that's like a defining trait of mine #i'm highkey worried i'm gonna disappoint her 😭 and. everyone else.#my method is usually to do the bare minimum so no one develops any expectations #and that way they're always surprised when i do more #unfortunately this plan falls flat bc for some reason ppl keep having expectations of me #not ill intentioned ones. idk if that's the words. ig they're more like hopes?#like they hope i'll do more they hope i'll be better. not for themselves but for me #and then that inevitable disappointment hurts in a different way bc you know it comes from genuine love #i can't even be mad in that case 😭 like what are their expectations of me. for me to be happy??#(honestly in that case i AM angry you should def drop that that's literally impossible 👍)#ok now i'm rambling. sorry. ig this conversation fucked me up a bit bc i've been real stressed since #vent #kinda???????#ask to tag

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romanticviolence · 1 month ago

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Fuck fucking fucking fukc fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

#somebody shoot me in the foot before i DO IT MYSELF #im kidding. im fine. im not immensely stressed out right now. for absolutely no reason. other than a sick dog and sleep deprivation.#im not fighting the incredibly strong urge to cry #WHAT NOOO WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT #IM NOT #hah #this really is like a diary for me.#i know yall aint reading 😭#but its nice to think maybe one or two people somewhere out there maybe know my struggle and listen to my incoherent ramblings #basically just dont have mutuals at all anymore #i know i am speaking to the void as it were #i say stuff like 'i dont know if you'll read these posts' but its like i know. ik. ikikikik. you arent watching. you arent reading.#not because you dont care #but bc you have shit to work through too #and for probably similar reasons that im not looking at your profiles you also arent looking at mine #also i dont want you to see this truly #i think if i did i would probably send it to you cause we both know im kind of pathetic that way. plus ive said some hurtful things #about you on this blog in the past few weeks #because ITS LITERALLY LIKE MY DIARY #and i do a lot of processing on here. then theres the posts about ykw. it killed me seeing the posts that i saw about him so i dont want to #assume you just wouldnt feel anything similar. maybe not same but similar #so #so ultimately i think id rather you dont see the personal posts on this blog #if only for the sake of your own mental state bc i know how you are and how you drive yourself crazy and i dont want that #jorden speaks #not nsft #delete tag #maybe?#idk this one feels kinda raw

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theladygazingatemptiness · 2 months ago

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#wak #negative /#tag vent /#man.. why is everything so draining #like.. fr it seems like I can't do Anything for an extended amount of time without burning out and wanting to quit #like. when I was little it was my absolute dream to be able to do nothing but draw all day every day but #now as an adult the thought of it stresses me out and makes me sick to my stomach #I used to get so excited about getting commissions but #now every time I see that someone's commissioned me I just dread doing it as if it's something I'm getting graded for in two days #(note that this isn't a slight against people who've commed me by any means. if you've commed me you're a saint)#(but. that's just how I feel and I wish it wasn't)#which is why comms are closed rn and idk when I'm opening them back up #rn I'm doing commission-based editing/proofreading work for a small publishing comp #something that I Also once aspired to do full-time #but.. I'm already kinda getting tired of it? probably bc my current project is 140+ pages that I have to get done in two weeks #like.. it's not Bad and I'm not quitting (I don't have a choice anyway. this is the closest thing I have rn to a consistent-ish job)#but it.. just gets less fun w every manuscript and I hate that #and like... whenever I go out no matter where I am I just want to go back home #I have no 'dream job' anymore. I have no goals. I don't want to go places or do things I just want to be home sleeping #but. as we all know that's not an option in the capitalist hellscape we live in #hell... even if we Didn't live in the hellscape it probably still wouldn't be an option lol #and of course my mom will not hear any of it and just thinks I'm being spoiled and lazy and 'using my aut as an excuse'#and most people including supposed '''''leftists'''' would probably agree with her too #bc 95% of '''"radical communists''''' on here are Adults Aren't Allowed To Exist Outside Of Working And That's How Things Should Be truther #who vocally treat unemployment as a moral failing and as a Bad Person Trait™ inbetween making Capitalism Bad posts #but I'm getting offtopic. Maybe I Am Useless And Lazy And A Leech Or Etc #but what I'm trying to say is I feel like I'm going to be miserable and feel like just a machine no matter what I do #and like I'm never going to have a happy or fulfilling life #and that my only option is to go to sleep never wake up and hope I'm reborn with no mental illnesses or trauma and into a rich family #but.. fat chance.

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celestialmancer · 7 months ago

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⛈️ //

#tag vent bullshit would highly recommend just scrolling past this if vent bs aint your thing #so run along now for those who would rather avoid. im just tossing in tags bc its easier on me.#anyway… just… …#this stress is really eating me alive & im so tired #ive been crying on & off since yesterday esp w my health taking a swan dive to hell amidst this #but i have to just. deal with.#crying when alone specifically like fuck am i gonna show a damn thing to anyone. fuck no ❤️#esp when it feels like my emotions im feeling are me somehow being manipulative.#because i dont have a right to any of this right. its just a pity party im throwinf for myself.#& yet all these feelings emotions everything i havent processed continue to fester & bubble up to the surface in pure vitriol.#pure hatred & anger bc of it coming from a place of hurt but what does that matter. right? …im just.#i feel manipulative expressing anything. i feel manipulative having feelings. i need to remove them at once. i need them gone at once.#i feel manipulative even so much as talking about situations that hurt me. bc i ‘shoulsnt feel this way’#all this shit to me feels like it just reads as ‘woe is me’ bullshit i hate it so much.#im tired. i dont know. im in distress & emotionally really falling apart but just.#it almost feels more comforting to just let myself bleed out on myself metaphorically speaking than to dare task anyone via asking them #to help me w my own metaphorical wounds. bc then im shoving a burden onto them. & I’m not supposed to do that.#so much for being a pillar of stability for others LMFAOOO. whatever. whatever.#faulty ass pillar that’s just falling apart from being built on an unstable foundation #im tired im tired of hurting both emotionally & physically due to flare ups from the sheer stress as well #& crying feels fucking humiliating & like im just begging for pity.#i shouldnt be fucking crying. i shouldn’t. im supposed to be fine. i say. & at first i was fucking able to fucking.#dissociate & let quinn join me too so i could be fully coldly detached. from it. but thats not happening bc i cant control when she joins #joins front w me. & i almost wish she could take front fully. take front from me fully for as long as this situation keeps going.#even if that means i end up in solitude & w barely much recollection of what may transpire. at least when she’s upfront? i dont have to be.#solitude bc she doesnt like talking to anyone even my own trusted friends.#unless its somehow fucjing necessary but at least w her upfront i just. i dont. have to feel. i can disconnect & forget everything.#i just want to stop fucking falling apart & i have so many unprocessed emotions over this all that feel unacceptable to talk abt STILL.#im that fucking convinced any neg emotion i show is wrong somehow & while ive gotten better w this im still. not. idk. just. w/e. ifg.

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moeblob · 1 year ago

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Demyx (my beloved)

#kingdom hearts #demyx #honestly is there an organization member i dont like? not really tbh #ok i lied maybe one but even then i find him fascinating so even he gets a pass #demyx being such a good boy who doesnt actually care for fighting then having the whole kh3 thing #where he has the yellow eyes but still just helps the good team vaguely then dips out of the entire game #where did he go and why .... what secrets do you hold young man #i should replay kh3 cause there are things i think i remember but idk for sure #like wasnt there actually a scene where hes just... been benched for being bad at being bad or smth #i really remember a scene where either he says or someone else is like oh yeah he got benched lol #like why does he have to be so funny yet get so little screen time im dying squirtle #though for the record him just handing a mannequin to even and saying peace out for the rest of the game WAS hilarious #this is me living the best time line where not only does demyx just dip and never get mentioned from anyone #but also in an otome i played theres a route where my fave guy just also dips early on #and then in the very end some other LI asks another LI what happened to him btw like where did he go #and the another LI was like oh my god i forgot about him idk man #my favorites just making an appearance and leaving is really funny to me #these tags got super long bc im very stressed and now devoting brain power to vgs in order to not cry

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paleode-ology · 8 months ago

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god I need school to be over I hate it here literally growing so concerned for my health

#ode by ode #gonna tag vent bc idk exactly what tw applies here #but uh heads up for like eating and body issues #anyway I’ve been so stressed that I’ve lost nearly all my appetite #so for the last few months I’ve been eating way less than I need to #and I’ve definitely lost weight and I can start feeling it in my body #like I’m getting colder faster #and my muscles hurt #and it’s so fucking scary but like idk what I can do besides try to power through the next two weeks #bc it’s been entirely brought on by school #and we’re almost done #but god I hate this so much #screaming for reallllllll #like I’m not so concerned about it long term #but it’s freaking me out and like I just want to leave right now #but I only have a week left and I need a transcript from this term if I want any hope of #either continuing at this school or transferring somewhere halfway decent if I decide to leave instead #but god it’s scaring me a lot I hate feeling like this #literally went to a funeral in the spring for an old classmate of mine who died from an eating disorder #and that’s not what this is but we’re approaching a similar result and I just need to get out and go home oh my GOD #anyway 😗✌️#maybe I will call my mom tomorrow idk

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nappingpaperclip · 1 year ago

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does anyone else feel like they’ve never been not stressed out??

like idk…I’ve been chronically stressed since I became conscious. I grew up in an incredibly stressful environment. ever since I moved out I’ve been stressed about school or work or housing or just finding food . There is always something. I’ve never had a break from stress that lasted longer than a day or two. does anyone else relate? what am I supposed to do about this

#not to trauma dump [voice of a guy who’s abt to trauma dump in the tags] but #growing up under incredible stress has probably fucked me up forever so idk what to do anymore #constant screaming/fighting and like not a lot but sometimes domestic violence #also like. being incredibly poor. and living in a hoarder house #animal hoarding #being incredibly medically and emotionally and otherwiseneglected #alongside neglected animals. dealing with unresolved flea infestations #forcibly enrolled into advanced academic stuff and unable to drop out even when my mental health could not take it #like it literally took an emergency room visit to convince my mom to let me drop out and even then I had to spend months playing catch up b #something they don’t tell you about trying to kys and going to a ward is most of your teachers won’t excuse ur missing work or care at all #also got outed to my mom by the mental hospital #sorry to trauma dump I just idk. my life sucks lol and no therapist I’ve ever gone to has actually cared or listened to everything I’ve bee #thruough #oh and I got groomed. awesomesauce #then graduated hs during 2020 right at the beginning of the pandemic 💔#a couple years go by bc I’m too busy with my coworkers raging psychological warfare on me lol and my ex roommate trying to kick us out #then just starting college while working thank god I was able to move out and my mom moved back to Kentucky #but now I am just starving and I no longer have food stamps and idk I just 💔 working and going to college is so hard and I’m not even full #time if either rn #but I also fell out with literally my only close friend recently so yea.#life just feels like one big test that I keep failing over and over again #like idk how am I supposed to be normal or live a normal life after all I’ve been through. I’ve seen enough!!#the world just has always and continues to look so bleak and cruel to me #idk. idk.#maybe I’m just doomed by the narrative #trauma dumping #vent #.txt #typing it all out and reading it like this makes me idk. it doesn’t look so bad when I reread it like I think I’m just being dramatic idk #ripping out mt hair I just want to be normal

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